Certainly Uncertain
We’ve all been through the most ambiguous of losses this past year and a half. A sensation that some may have never felt before, whereby others, much like our family, have been living in a strange middling place of knowing a certain uncertainty for while.
It’s a confusing state, whereby nothing is given. Changes come thick and fast and it takes a while to learn to turn your sails to the wind and ride it all out. And we are all experiencing this wild wind of change yet each with our unique set of circumstances. It’s most definitely a case of same storm rather than being in the same boat.
And as we reach a stage in England, whereby restrictions are soon to be lifted and we are in a weird paradigm of rule bending, (full Wembley but no parents at Sports Day? Mothers birthing alone? So much!!) I thought it would be a poignant time to talk about embracing and dealing with shattering shifts, constant changes, ultimately stepping into grieving and healing from them.
Change and uncertainty is the one of life’s truths. That and the fact death is coming for us all. Yet this year has been a huge change for so many of us with loss without a tangible, physical thing to tether the hurt to. It’s been one of loneliness, hurt, loss and high anxiety. The ambiguity of it all is in fact an incredible part of how we deal with such uncertainty. It’s embracing and accepting that things will never be the same, that this sea of being thrown from one wave to another is this beautiful thing called life. That there is no such thing as a smooth sail.
Acceptance is key to getting through. It’s one of the most liberal acts in our patriarchal society that promotes knowing, that the risk and unknowns are something to insure against as it’s such a risk. That knowing creates calm and an ability to adjust. To understand and hold thoughts that allow us to feel our emotions, without judgement. To feel the hurt and pain yet not let it consume us or destroy us with suffering. Acceptance is essentially the embodiment of “it is, what it is”.
Or as Lao Tzu stated:
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Do not resist them. That only causes sorrow.”
Acceptance. It’s not apathetic, very much the opposite. Weathering life is this way, fosters and builds resilience. Instead of woe, we channel energy into understanding what we can control, focussing on the good that is before us, surrendering to lack of control. As we learn to navigate and change our sails each time a storm comes, knowing the wind is wind and will eventually come, we become expert sailors. We extend our empathy for ourselves, learning how to support ourselves through; we become resilient.
Resilience in the face of uncertainty is faith and hope in action. It’s understanding that we must remain open hearted, flexible and adaptable like water. Fluid. Able to make our way through, even if it means starting as a drop at the top of a mountain, meandering around mountains or working our way through stone. There is always a way, whatever challenge is presented; it’s having the foundations of being able to see it for what it is and be ok with thinking differently. Learning how to adapt to all before us.
And here we are, adapting once more. The shifting sands of pandemic, whereby there is a lot that we can do to approach the opening up in amongst what feels like a rough sea of Covid uncertainty. A sea of mixed emotion as the disparity between us all becomes even more apparent; those impacted hugely financially by it all to those who’ve comfortably saved and come out unscathed. A sea of worry as socialising and indoor events start to happen and feeling mixed emotions about those who choose to do so. A sea of worry and anger in amongst it all. It feels like a hell of a lot. And yes, it is.
”There is the first step of acceptance towards resilience. It is certain these things will come.”
The way to navigate it all is to be mindful of the opposing thoughts, rather than remaining fixed hard on one emotion, understanding the myriad of feels that will be coming our way is a huge step too. Doing this ensures that we stay steady as can be, understanding its ok, that ultimately we are human and can hold mixed views. The biggest of steps is simply focusing on what we can control and recognising the good that is all before us.
This doesn’t mean its easy, nor to ignore those mixed views or emotions, it simply is a way to be liberated by the fear of it all. As gently and lightly with ourselves as possible. As ultimately that boat needs a captain after all. And as folk lore states, you are safe in the harbour, but that isn’t what boats are for.
So in amongst this wild sea of change these next few weeks, hold tight. You’ve made it this far, let’s adjust those sails.
By Syreeta Challinger