Faye Isaac Transcript

Hello, I’m Syreeta Challinger, and welcome to Leaven - the podcast for conversations on hope, love, life and everything in between.

Hello, welcome to Laeven, today’s conversation is with Faye Isaac, of Annual Store, a kids design-led online brand, and Faye and I met when I found myself in Lincoln, a sleepy cathedral city with no friends, family or network.

I was there by default having had to get Rob home to see his family, after his catastrophic brain haemorrhage and stroke, with Rob in hospital and having only met Rob’s parents twice, I had never felt so lost or alone - you may want to go back to episode one if you have not heard our story yet to give you some insight.

In these dark days, Faye was remarkably kind and we would have little chats which would then evolve into a deep friendship.

Faye’s speciality is in seeking the unusual - the cooky and design-led children’s books, toys and clothing with her work being rooted in creativity, design and community.

I asked Faye to share her story as her experiences of living with the death of her mum, loss and grief have helped shape her into a beautiful tender soul. Here is Faye Isaac:

SC: “Hello Faye, how are you?”

FI: “I’m good, thank you, and how are you?”

SC: “Yeah, I’m not bad for this miserable grey day, with a little bit of joy talking with you today.

FI: “Absolutely, this is like a treat.”

SC: “I know, I know. So for everyone listening, Faye and I do know each other, so this is why it is such a treat, because we don’t often get the chance to catch up very often.

“We met when I was in a very dark place in Lincoln, and you were like a beacon of hope and light for me, and a dear friend, so I just thought it was really important that I speak to you for everyone to hear about your experiences too.

FI: “Thank you very much for asking me to do this.”

SC: “Oh no thank you, it is a pleasure, so for people who don’t know who you are, would you mind explaining what it is you do.

FI: “Yeah, sure, so my name is Faye and I’m based in Lincoln, and I have been running Annual Store, which is a children’s sort of concept store for about seven years now, and that is a whole other journey but there is me, my partner Aaron and our daughter Nel, who is nearly 10 now. That is it in a nutshell really.

SC: “I can’t believe Nel is nearly 10 now.”

FI: “I know, I keep saying it is a reminder that I am 10 years older as well. But it is a big milestone navigating a lockdown birthday, and things like that which I’m sure a lot of people have been through and making that a bit more special, but yeah we’ll get through it, and I’m sure we’ll have a big party afterwards.

SC: “My goodness, because she was such a tiny dot when we met, so what a difference four years makes in children’s development and growth.

“But it was actually Nel who inspired your route into self employment and working for yourself and setting up your store - but it was not Annual was it? It was something else. Would you mind telling us about the evolution.

FI: “Sure. So I started off in 2013, just with a blog initially because I was searching for products for Nel, that were fitted in with our lifestyle or geared towards children to grab their attention that were nagging for the next gadget, it was very sort of stereotypical - blue for boys and pink for girls - and I just did not want that for her, I just wanted more of a wider perspective for her to develop her own personalities and her own tastes and passions, and just trying to research things like I was more aware making sure of anything I would buy her were eco friendly, sustainable, had functionality and just try and sort of widen her options and play was such a huge factor especially when it comes to learning and even as you get older - it never stops - so it is so important to in-still that and maintain that with the products that I sell, so she is still massively - even now - constantly inspiring me and the business, so I’m lucky to have that.

“My other main focus is design, and I think it is so important to inspire people with how they look or how they use - whether it is ergonomic or artistic or creative - if that ignites something in you whether you are two-years-old or 92-years-old - I think it is so important to maintain that, and I just wanted to bring together the adult world with a child’s world so a family could appreciate things that they have in their home hidden away when the kids go to bed can go on a shelf and be admired while they are not being played with.

“I was always sort of trying to eradicate a throwaway culture and encourage hand me downs and invest a little bit more but not as often which is quite important.

SC: “Your store ethos is very much about play and has a really strong environmental ethos coupled with really beautiful design so it covers all sorts of bases especially for this new generation coming through now. So did all of this passion stem from Nel or was this something which had always been within you when you were growing up as well?

FI: “I think I have always been really creative from being little - always been making things, cards for people or creating things - and then I guess like most people, you go into education and you pick certain paths whether or not you are not forced into it choosing your GCSEs - a few of which I did not want to do actually - but had to because you have to choose options, and I wanted to be more artistic, but I did not have that option - and that then translates to what you get at college and I played it quite safe and did English and media, business studies and then onto university again I was a sort of rabbit in the head lights at a young age, so it is hard to make such a huge decision which you might regret 10 years down the line, and I would not say I regret going to university at all because I think it taught me a hell of a lot because I did journalism and originally wanted to go into fashion journalism and then had Nel when I was 22, so I had her not long after university which took me completely down another path, and I just adapted as you do with any sort of situation because you just have to react and hope you are making the right decision at the time, but I would not look back no way. Its’ strange because before I had Nel, when I was at university, it made me slow down a bit and navigate this path to where I am really happy what I do - and we love it - and I am constantly working even when I am not, and I don’t see it as work as much if that makes sense?

SC: “Yeah I can relate to that, so it was your university that brought you to Lincoln, but where did you grow up?”

FI: “So originally I’m from Grimsby, and I stayed there until I was 19, and took a year out before coming to university and looked at a number of places like Manchester and London, but with family still in Grimsby, it was nice to be far enough away, but not too far, and I was very close to my grandparents and my grandfather is still with us, he is 96 now, and I just did not want to be too far away from them, and I’m very close with my dad as well, but my sister is in Leeds, but we are all a close-knit family so that was quite important to me.

SC: “You are all really close, because sadly you did not grow up with your dear mum, and I just wondered whether you would mind sharing with us how this formative experience, because you were only a teeny-tiny baby at the time, how did that impact you on becoming a mum yourself?

FI: “It’s crazy, because I have always sort of spoken about this but more objectively I think so, I was born in the January of 1988, and then in the October she got quite a bad cough, and I think my dad kept pushing to take her back to the doctors because they just kept giving her the wrong medication, and she did eventually get diagnosed with Sarcoma, which is quite a rare form of cancer and it all happened so suddenly, they sent her to a hospital in London, but unfortunately on January 7 she passed away so it was all quite quick and my sister is four-a-half years older then me so she was about five and just starting school so yeah it was quite a shock, a young family, and still to this day, I don’t know how my dad coped.

SC: “Oh god love your dad, because you would have been so teeny, tiny and not knowing what was going on, but you would have known something was up?”

FI: “Absolutely, I have no memory of her and my sister - even though she was nearly five - can’t remember, she can remember bits about her or doing things with her, but not necessarily her if that makes sense - and maybe that sort of trauma has blocked that out, I don’t know.

“Luckily, my grandparents on both my Mum’s side and my dads side have been incredible - they have been pretty much our second set of parents, and we have friends, who are more family then anything. So I think it is a very strange grief for me because I have grown up grieving through my family’s grief if that make sense, because I did not know her and I have always - even as a young child at school - there would be times where it would be highlighted a bit more because I think as a child you would be with your parents a lot more - teachers would say ‘oh can you get your mum to sign this please?’ As a child constantly having to have this difficult conversation with people feeling you are being judged because this has happened.

SC: “I guess times were very different then with times changing, whereas now emotions are handled in a more sensitive manner, whereas I guess in the early 1990s death was still a weird taboo, and I can’t even imagine the difficulty of the challenges faced by having those conversations - everyday little circumstances would trip you up I guess.

FI: “Yeah it is strange and my dad has said to us in later years, when it first happened people would cross the road because they just did not know what to say and I think that has taught me a lot in terms of if someone is going through something I feel like I should talk to them, but obviously if it is comfortable for them, but I want them to know they can talk to me or think because I have always been comfortable talking about my mum, I hope I have been there a bit better for people because I know how people avoid it because you don’t want to say the wrong thing, it has definitely made me more sensitive to it, and it is still going on even though it is 30-odd years later and my dad is still going through it and all of our family or people who knew her, no matter how long it has been or how fresh it is, it can rise up at certain times, as you know, when you least expect it, and you learn a lot from that and I think I have had that since I was little - it has always sort of been there or been around so we are always quite aware or quite open as a family, so I think that has definitely helped me knowing to talk about something is very important and I am lucky that I have been able to have people to have those conversations with such as yourself.

SC: “Yeah, well we met unexpectedly - random even - through Lincoln.

FI: “It’s a small place isn’t it?

SC: “I think we just went straight in there with the deep chat didn’t we? I don’t remember there being any niceties, it was just like ‘this stuff has happened and I need someone to speak to,’ and I was just so lonely at that point so I was just forever grateful to have met you.

FI: “The feeling was 100 per cent mutual, absolutely.”

SC: “Oh my love, thank you, because you are someone who holds space for difficult conversations aren’t you? Which I guess is one of the beautiful things to come out of a difficult conversation of living with grief, and I guess, as you say, it never goes away does it? Some days it is stronger then others and can knock you sideways on an idle Tuesday and completely floor you, and other days it is kind of like a gentle simmering which is just there.

FI: “I think it is like, I have a constant empathy with my family who are grieving for this person, who I did not know but is such an integral part of who I am and I hope or I think that has helped me develop or be more aware of things which people are going through and be more aware - and it is ongoing, you can’t just switch it off when you go to work, we are human and we need to be more aware of that because it is detrimental to a lot of people’s mental health.”

SC: “We can’t compartmentalise ourselves, and I think that is one thing which is coming out of this bizarre year that we are in where everyone is working from home and everybody’s offices are being a party to what everyone’s home life is and I think it is brilliant that we are seeing inside each other’s lives and homes and how many kids they are juggling or how many, or what caring roles they are juggling or understanding their joy as well as their sadness or outside of the work place, because that is what makes us who we are, and there is no hiding from it.

FI: “It is so important because we grin and bare it, get to work, earn money, climb the ladder - whatever you are doing - but you just can’t do that with what we are faced with at the minute, and you’re totally right, it’s nice that personal and work lives are having to be blended and it is realised that they are such an important part of each other and they come as one almost even from when you are not at home or not at work, it can affect you mentally hugely.”

SC: “There is a disco track - and Aaron will be able to help us with this one - stay with me on this one because there is method to my madness - it goes: “You can’t hide from yourself everywhere you go, there you are” and it’s so true, no matter how much you try and distract yourself with something externally, internally you are there, so you cannot distract yourself from who you are or what you’re going through, no matter how many accolades you have got or no matter how much you try and throw yourself into your work, whatever you are going through will rise and bite you - so heal it and feel it, embrace it.

“The reason I was talking about that is because it was such a formative experience to be growing up with and it has shaped you, but having become a mum myself recently, you have been in my mind a lot, because how I have found motherhood has become almost a healing journey for me with my mum, but your mum was not around, so how did it impact your journey, being a mum and navigating that, because you’re so strong, and it can get quite tough at times with a little one.

FI: “I’m sure most of us can relate to that, it’s bizarre and I’m trying to find the words to express that how I felt, it brought a lot to the surface I think, and it made me really think about my childhood growing up and one big thing which really raised its head is just massive death anxiety I think, which is strange because it was at key milestones so when Nell was around the same age I was when my mum died, and again at the time I did not really discuss it with anyone really - I sort of mentioned it to my sister maybe - but I guess I did not really know how much it was affecting me and then I think that has been consistent throughout because on a different level your mind changes when you have a child, and you just want to be there to protect them and knowing that my mum was not around when I was little and thinking what she was going through constantly on my mind, which I guess just fired up my motherly instincts I guess in a way to - not be there even more - because obviously she was not here, so did not have that choice, but just be around and luckily with the business I have been able to do that and sort of fit around Nell if you like, because she has been able to come to events with me and meet people and be part of the business and it has become part of our lives so it has been lovely to have her along for the journey. She is always testing times and I am always on my phone and so involved and obviously my customers and my suppliers and all of the lovely brands I work with, they understand because they know the products I am selling and my market is so entwined with children - our parents themselves have built businesses around them, and that has been really lovely to have that, but yeah going back to not having my mum, I have got no comparison but having said that, I have had some amazing female role models in my life. My sister, who is a bit older then me, we are so close and we have gone through everything together and continue to and I feel very honoured that I have had her in my life. My grandma and my grandad, have filled both male a d female parental roles, and of course my dad who was navigated through puberty a d boyfriends a d has been amazing and has a,ways been there for me to talk to and again I think it is so important to talk to and progress and be aware of them, and as you say embrace how difficult they are, and have a strong partner, Aaron, who just keeps me so level headed and puts things into perspective and we make such a good team like you and Rob. You have to pull together because you think you learn a lot from your mother - I have nor had that, but you just have this natural instinct, which is amazing really, it’s incredible.

SC: “It is incredible, because you were obviously quite young when you became a mum.

FI: “I had just come out of university, and none of my friends were going down that route.”

SC: “It was probably not the first thing you were planning on doing when you came out of university, but in a way, it has shaped you and you have created this incredible - it is almost like a family unit - because anyone who does not know, Annual Store, which is Faye’s online store, has got an incredible online community, and I would say are really integral to how much of the project succeeds for you for a while, there is like a big family online for you.

FI: “100 per cent, and I’m so grateful to have such a following online, on Instagram, mainly and that is where I kind of started the business - that is where I kind of built my following - 100 per cent organic, and it has sort of adapted to changes in my own life or people who I have come into contact with my experiences, my inspirations, but it is a feedback thing and always wanting to make it accessible for everybody. I think that is important, you can’t still have good design and good products no matter what your budget and that was really important to me to make it accessible to everybody, but it has been amazing - absolutely amazing.

SC: “Oh bless you, there is a brilliant example of it because you have ventured into garments this year, and it has been such a huge success - especially in 2020 with the mood of the way everything is going, it is incredible especially with hiw turbulent it has been, how do you find the inspiration to keep going with everything that has been going on.

FI: “It is really strange how it happened actually, because we had a bricks and mortar store in Lincoln for years and we still maintained the online side of the business which was great, but it just wasn’t quite working where we were, location wise and I was stuck there for six or seven days a week and it just was not working family wise and I just was not able to spend time with Nell and Aaron, so it opened up more time for me to take a break, spend more time with those who are close to me and just recalibrate in a way and it allowed my creativity to flow a bit more, because when you are stressed, your time is limited and it is hard to relax and settle into that creative groove if you like.

SC: “Oh god yes, it is the hardest thing.”

FI: “It does not come just like that, so I have spent a bit more time being able to do that and I feel very lucky to have had that time, and I began last year with just a few small accessories and I bit asked to do a couple of workshops at festivals and markets and that which gave me the chance to experiment with a few different mediums and that was very exciting and challenging at the same time because it is the sort of thing I had not e