Rob Mackenzie: The Epitome Of Hope

Hello, I’m Syreeta Challinger, and welcome to Leaven - the podcast for conversations on hope, love, life and everything in between.

So welcome to episode one, our first podcast is a little bit different, because I’m sharing a conversation with Rob Mackenzie.

Rob is my now husband, and if it wasn’t for what happened to him, then I’m not sure this would exist or what we would be doing right now, but to give you some context on how this space came to be a delight, I thought it was really important to share Rob’s story individually, as sadly through what happened him, he does not necessarily have a stronger voice as I do as I have to advocate for him.

We learned the hard way. I will just give you a short insight, but you will understand why the conversation goes the way it goes if you know this information.

On the 27th of September 2014, our world changed in a heart beat.

It was the second day of a holiday in Sydney, and Rob, who was my boyfriend at the time, aged 37, suffered a fatal brain haemorrhage and stroke. I was told he was dying and would not survive and to make matters more complicated, we lived in Hong Kong and our families were back home in England. It could not get more complicated nor more traumatic. Rob was in a coma for three weeks and when he finally came round with right-side paralysis, he was unable to walk, talk, eat or write. He could not swallow or chew and it was like having a six-foot baby.

For Rob, not being able to express or communicate was the toughest thing, but then I had a brilliant idea. I taught him to draw again, and it opened up his world. He sketched his way through. He started asking for water, another blanket - even learning to kiss again - all through the power of his pen. It is pretty lucky that I am a champ at Pictionary too, and six years on we are still here smiling, even though we’ve had so many tumultuous changes, we have been living independently and doing our utmost to get on with living, and Rob, who was once my boyfriend is now my husband and life is different that is for sure, it has not been easy - it still isn’t at times - but we are living proof that creativity heals, love heals, love is at the core of everything we do. We see it as the highest form of hope and how poignant to start off our podcast series hearing from the man himself. I hope you enjoy listening to us speaking about our story. It is all from the heart. Here is Rob Mackenzie.

SC: “Hi Rob.”

RM: “Hello.”

SC: “So would you like to tell us a little something about yourself, and what led you to forging your life as an artist?”

RM: “Well, I achieved a first for graphic design and all sorts, and another thing - it was before.”

SC: “Before you were branding?”

RM: “Designer, user experience as a designer. It was really good.”

SC: “You were top of your game, what kind of products did you work on?”

RM: “Shops.”

SC: “That’s right, you worked with brands to create retail.”

RM: “Brands and user experience.”

SC: “So what kind of clients did you have?”

RM: “Olay, Virgin, Adidas, Cathay (Pacific).”

SC: “So that was pretty exciting and big brands to work for? And where were you doing this? Where were you working?”

RM: “I was in Hong Kong, and that was six years ago.”

SC: “You were in Hong Kong from around 2010 - I want to say - or 2011?”

RM: “No idea.”

SC: “Before Hong Kong, where did you work?”

RM: “I was in Manchester, London.”

SC: “Doing similar stuff, and it was the work which took you out to Hong Kong?”

RM: “Yes.”

SC: “And then you said before, before what happened?”

RM: “Well, tragedy, diddly do, diddly do.”

SC: “Are you singing me a song about your brain haemorrhage?”

RM: “Stroke, all sorts, I can’t remember.”

SC: “What happened?”

RM: “I don’t remember.”

SC: “So we had met in Hong Kong hadn’t we? And we had moved in together, and it was all going really quickly, but all really beautiful, and we decided to go on holiday and we decided to go on holiday to Australia, and the first stop was Sydney because we were meeting friends and family, weren’t we?”

RM: “Yes, yes.”

SC: “And we had one brilliant day, can you remember what we did on the first day?”

RM: “It was beautiful, it was sunny, we were excited and we got the bikes and just went, and the bridge - everything.”

SC: “We had a brilliant first day, and explored the city on bike - we hired bikes - because we landed first thing in the morning and it was a beautiful day with clear blue skies, but it was still crisp and cool because it was still Spring time wasn’t it? And it just felt so refreshing after the humidity of Hong Kong - it just felt energising and we just really looked forward to a long holiday, because we used to do long weekends away, but it would have been the longest holiday we would have taken for a couple of years since living in Asia, it was really unheard of to have that long a holiday - we had about two weeks. But we only had one day didn’t we?”

RM: “I know.”

SC: “So we woke up on the second day of the holiday but as you mentioned, you had, what we now know, was a brain haemorrhage, which then caused your stroke - shall I help explain this bit?”

RM: “Please.”

SC: “So you woke up before me, and it was still dark, because we still had the dark blinds down, and I could hear you stumbling about, and I think I said ‘are you okay?’ And you didn’t answer, so I kind of went to go and open the blinds and see what was going on, and as the sun burst into the room, it was like it obliterated everything.”

RM: “Agony.”

SC: “You screamed in agony, do you remember that? You were clutching your head and you could not tell me what was wrong, and you couldn’t because your speech was slurred, and that was when I immediately thought you were having a stroke, but it turns out it was more then that, whilst on the phone to the ambulance crew, you suffered a massive seizure, and stopped breathing, and I had to keep you going until they got there. Fortunately, the ambulance arrived and we were only seven minutes away from a university hospital, and it would have been a very different story if it had happened the day after, because we had planned to go to the Blue Mountains in the middle of nowhere without any phone, no WiFi, Internet, nothing, we wanted to just be cut off from everything after such an intense year working in Hong Kong so that is the positive that we got there on a Saturday morning, but sadly they told us you were dying and they needed to operate and you were in theatre for 12 hours, and then when you came around you were in an induced coma for a couple of weeks.

RM: “That doctor, he was on a holiday.”

SC: “Another positive - so the surgeon who saved your life, who happened to be the best in Australasia, also happened to be in the building picking up paper work when his junior messaged him and alerted him that there was something pretty major going on, because the bleed was the size of my hand, and they had not seen anybody so young survive anything - or anyone in fact - survive a bleed that big. But because of your age, they were determined to operate and save your life - and I’m so bloody glad that they did - because here we are, six years on.”

RM: “And now.”

SC: “So a lot has happened in that time, but ultimately you are now forging a life as an artist.”

RM: “So I remember six years ago, I did not know anything, and Syreeta was good with a pen and she said ‘it was writing for your toothbrush’ or food, and looking back.”

SC: “Do you want me to help you explain? So when you came out of your coma, you were unable to communicate - you could not speak, you could not read, you could not write and you had full right-side paralysis but what was amazing was when the nurse said: ‘oh your mum is here’, you smiled at your mum, and it was kind of a gentle smile as if to say ‘oh hi mum’ and then she said: ‘oh and Syreeta is here too’ and my heart was pounding - it was just in my throat because I just did not know whether you would remember me - but you did your utmost, you were turning your head and you found me on the other side of the bed, and you looked me in the eye and smiled - the most beautiful smile there has ever been - and I knew that you were there, that no matter what, you were still there, and I think I got a feeling which gave me hope that you remembered me, and you knew what our relationship was because your eyes just lit up, but then it was tough, because you did not understand where you were or what had happened, and you were also frustrated and angry as you started to come round, but we just had to radiate love and I had sat by you the whole time, and had not left your side at all, just wanting you to know that you were loved, and I would talk to you and stroke your hair and I wanted you to have a reason to hold on and you did and then that was when the real work started trying to get you back - trying to get you to communicate - and I thought if you can’t talk then perhaps you could draw - so I had to show you what a pen was, because that was how bad the cognitive damage was, you did not know what a pen was, what everyday objects were - you were like a six-foot baby and you had to start again, so it was like ‘this is a pen, this is paper, and this is what it can do’ and then once you had mastered how to hold the pen again, it was like ‘right okay, let’s draw some simple shapes’ and we started off with a triangle and a circle, then a square then, do you remember we started drawing little animals or trees and I had no idea what I was doing, I just followed my gut instinct and thought ‘oh he is responding to this’ and I drew a really dodgy cat, a really crappy bike - but it was when you corrected my bike drawing - because you were obviously an avid cyclist before, you drew a shaky but proportionally correct bike to my rubbish one, and I knew we were onto something and it was coming back, and then that was how we communicated wasn’t it?”

RM: “Yeah, pretty much.”

SC: “So it was through hand squeezes, me just talking at you and drawing and trying to make you laugh - constantly just trying to trigger memories by like playing you music, and do you remember we used to do little finger dancing? And I would physically lift your leg for you to tap it to the beat.”

RM: “It was really hot.”

SC: “Yes, because it was spring time in Sydney, and it kicked off into a glorious summer when we were there and it was really warm. We got there in November and left in December. We would have stayed in Sydney if we could, but your family wanted you home understandably, because even though home was Hong Kong for us, our families lived in the UK didn’t they? So it could not have gotten more complicated could it?

So whilst you were in Sydney and had made it into rehab and were no longer in the acute ward, I quickly went home to Hong Kong and packed up our lives and had to ship it across the sea, and then worked on you getting strong enough to get back to the UK, because sadly no airline would take you until you were up onto the plane, and reading all of the bits of paper and the scans, it was an absolute miracle that you were even alive, let alone doing the things you were doing, and it is pilot’s prerogative who they accept onto each flight, and we had our work cut out - we had a couple of weeks to try and get you to stand up on, and a flight across the world is a feat for anybody, let alone you who had just left hospital, and the first time you did was to get on a plane. We travelled with a doctor for two flights and your sister was there too and we got you back to Lincoln, your home city, and it was very cold. And also it was just very daunting and scary because it was not planned was it? We had not planned to come back to the UK - not for a long time - and it was not your decision to go back to Lincoln - life happened to you - and I did not know anyone there, and I remember you squeezing my hand so tight when we arrived, because I think you were more afraid, and I was afraid, and it was the cold, and the reality just hit home. You were in hospital for a few months before you were discharged and then you were discharged to your parents’ bungalow and we all moved in, and were all living together at that point, and you still needed 24/7 care, but this was when the real hard graft kicked in because you had to learn how to be in the home, and how to be in the world again, and that was - so your stroke was in September 2014, which was six years ago now - but here you are and we are talking to you about hope, on my new podcast because well because of you, and me, and everything we have been through, and I think we have been sharing our story because many of you may have come over from ‘Moments Of Sense And Style’ or MOSS or for some of you, may be completely new to us, but MOSS was a project that I started in the deepest and darkest of times, and it has offered us light, and that is our brand message - choose light - because no matter how dark it gets, just keep moving inch by inch as we have seen with Rob’s recovery, every minute, tiny thing that you do, it all adds up because we continue to share our story, but we share Rob’s art work as we share our message of strength, of courage, of hope, because we feel like this is what the world needs more of, and more so because I would have loved to have listened to some conversations like this when I was going through the deepest, darkest stages of grief and everything we were going through, and navigating all of the challenges. So here we are sharing our story and it was meant to be more of an interview, but it does just seem to be more me having a chat, and I was trying to make it sound more professional for you Rob, but it is really difficult for Rob, because he suffers with a condition called Aphasia, so how would you describe Aphasia, how would you describe it? So you know what you want to say, but you can’t get the words out. So if we were speaking, Rob and I, his speech would be a bit more fluid, but there is an added change or there is a bit of pressure, even though we are at home, there shouldn’t be any pressure, but there is an awareness that Rob is sharing his story to a wider audience, and a bit of nerves have kicked in, and that also plays a part affecting the way the brain connects with Aphasia. So sadly, Rob also suffers with right-sided paralysis, an effect of the stroke, but what is interesting is his body is starting to fire off signals to the brain, which is incredible because it means something is working, and something is trying to connect but it is sending the wrong messages, and at the minute it is sending pain and then if Rob is in a situation which is a little bit different - like this - then he feels his emotions, I mean physically feel them. They are just that, we physically feel them in our body, but for myself or anyone else who has not been through that, or has no physical challenges, we can kind of acknowledge them, and then kind of get on with our day, but for Rob, he is feeling them physically and it can be really detrimental if he is having a really bad day, and be laid in bed because the pain is so intense and the emotions are so intensely physical, it is overwhelming for him, but why do we share all of this - why are we sharing this?

“We have started a project called MOSS, and it is called that because a rolling stone gathers no moss, and our life before was always rolling - always hectic - always on the move until tragedy struck and it was time to take root and gather moss, so we found ourselves in stillness, and moving at such a slow pace was just absolutely alien to what we had come from, yet within that space we found beauty, humility, strength, courage, and learned more about ourselves then any other root or career choice or studying, it has helped us connect as a couple even more so then before, because we were only actually together for just under two years, it can’t have been that long - gosh I can’t even remember - it’s all a bit blurry, but we had moved in with each other pretty quickly, but what is even more poignant is we had spoken about committing to each other the night before, we spoke about that, and the future, so my fate was sealed because the wonderful Rob Mackenzie had asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, so of course I was not going anywhere regardless of what had happened, and I’m so glad that we have stuck around for each other. We make a good team.

So getting side tracked, but MOSS was born, through these dark times, I had obviously given up my career in fashion and product development and Rob was going through such horrendous things to happen to you like learning to read and write and I was supporting him every step of the way, but I recognised that I needed something for myself, and I needed an outlet, and MOSS started out as a blog at first, but I recognised that I was inadvertently creating an ascetic for a brand and I guess that was all I know, that was my past life, and I was just channeling my grief and my loss into creating something tangible. We then shared our story through Scented Candle and it is called Moments Of Sense And Style because we want everything to align to brain injury sensory experiences and recovery, so yes it can be a beautiful candle, but if you want to dig deeper then you can share our story but then also align with brain injury recovery so Scent obviously is an old factory experience and it triggers the senses and memory of time and place, and our notebooks which then followed are very sensual, they are very tactile to touch, the cover has been chosen purely because of the weight and the way it feels, and then obviously it is all made in England, and then that matches with our brand message which is choose light, but whilst I was setting all of this up, Rob was obviously still in very deep stages of recovery but I noticed that he needed something too, and because I had noticed that he had been drawing through communicating, I then asked Rob to draw the destinations of our senses because they are based upon our story. So one is of Hong Kong where we met, and number two is Sydney where life changed and number three is Lincolnshire, where we found ourselves to heal and when Rob sat down to draw these pieces - I had no idea what they would turn out like - but he blew me away.

“So not only does Rob have all of these cognitive issues and all of the physicality of the emotional trauma he has been through, but Rob is also partially sighted, which is very hard for him to function, because he has limited sight, and if you have been on our website or do get to take a look, there are stunning pieces of line art on their own, but when you understand the prominence and where they have come from, they are remarkable pieces of work so this is how you have started to forge a life as an artist.”

RM: “Yeah, definitely, so the new thing what I am doing now, is I am trying to do abstract and colours are evolving.”

SC: “Rob’s pieces are mainly single colour but pen or ink drawings, and they have started off being quite architectural of cities, of time and places but have now evolved into more of the botanical - more of the abstract and conceptual pieces - which is really exciting and you have had a couple of exhibitions, and that has given you a massive boost.”

RM: “I feel great and hopefully when the one exhibition happens, it is really hard for me in black and white and I am trying now with another colour, with another level, because I can’t - the colour is hard for me to mix colours.”

SC: “It is hard for you to mix colours now, and we think that is down to the part of your brain which is affected, whereas before your colours were spot on because of the work which you used to do - your design work - but it is mainly monochrome at the moment purely because of the struggles you are having identifying the colour mixes - which is a really fascinating fact - it is real